When did you last listen – and I mean really listen – to a piece of music?
Proper deep listening has been off the agenda for a long time now.
I haven’t been inside a concert venue for over a year. There is something about that shared experience of music, any form of music. You are there to do nothing other than listen to music for an hour or more, and in that context, the heightened awareness, the raised consciousness, the knowledge that you cannot do anything else, focusses the mind and deepens the experience.
For the last year, music has been a background distraction. It’s been a pleasant lubricant to oil the wheels of the day, or maybe – on the bad days – it’s just been a way of escaping the fear of my thoughts.
Sounds familiar?
Then I have a challenge for you. Today, spend a few minutes doing three simple things.
Listen to something.
Listen to someone.
Listen to nothing.
Not just listening
Although we think of listening as a simple, passive act, we actually listen on three levels.
Level 1
In most conversations we listen in order to respond. While the other person is talking, we’re waiting our turn, lining up the next anecdote. Often, when we listen to music, it’s on in the background. You’re aware of it, you could tell me what the song is if you thought about it for a second.
You could tell me if a news item is good news or bad news, but none of the details. When you’re out walking, you would notice if you heard anything unusual, but it’s all in the background.
What you’re hearing – conversation, songs, sounds – is affecting your thoughts.
Level 2
Someone is telling you a fascinating anecdote. You can’t wait for them to get to the next twist. Your favourite song comes on the radio and it reminds you of a time when you took a trip to the coast.
You realise the news item is about your home town and now you can picture where the events took place. You hear an unfamiliar sound – an unusual birdsong, a rasping car engine, an argument – on the way to the shops and you want to know more.
What you’re hearing is driving your thoughts.
Level 3
As the other person is speaking, you become aware of an emotion that they’re trying to keep back. The story is linked to something in their past. As you listen to the song, you remember the life history of the singer and how this song was a representation of a toxic relationship.
The news item makes you realise that things have changed in your home town. Something deeper has happened in that passage of time since you were last there. Another bird is replying to that bird – the car engine reminds you of your first car – in that argument, one of the people is clearly being triggered by past events.
What you’re hearing is heightening your thoughts.
Try this
As I said at the start, I want you to try this short exercise today.
Listen to something
A song, a story, a news item.
Listen to someone
When you’re having a conversation, don’t think about what you’re going to say next. Focus on the other person.
Listen to nothing
Stop. Just stop. And listen. Listen to the everyday sounds that you filter out because they’re always there.
And here’s how you listen.
- Make it an event
Decide that this is going to be important.
2. Stop what you’re doing
You’re only going to do one thing. And that’s listen. Stop.
3. Remove distractions
As much as you can, create an environment where you can truly focus.
4. Sit down
Are you ready to listen? Then sit down (or, if you’re out walking, stop walking).
5. Actively switch off your thoughts
Take a deep breath. Let everything settle.
6. Actively switch on your antennae
You’re looking for the meaning beyond the sounds, behind the words, under the surface.
7. Take your time
Don’t hurry to have an opinion. Sit back. Let the thoughts emerge.
8. Be curious
When a thought does come to you, ask yourself what provoked it.
9. Be questioning
Is that thought valid? What is it based on? What evidence do you have?
10. Be still
Give yourself a moment off. Clear your mind, settle back into the moment.
And stop
Proper listening, active listening, is exhausting. But practising it on a regular basis will make it easier, and make you more aware of when to switch on those antennae.
In the meantime, put a song on in the background. Chat to a friend. Go for a walk and choose to stay lost in your thoughts.
And I’ll see you in a concert venue soon.
(and if you enjoy my writing, why not buy me a coffee at Ko-fi.com/chrisbrannick? It’s not expected or demanded, but I’d be really touched. I live on appreciation and coffee… in that order)
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels